All Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes | Chuck Norris Facts

All Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes

Find all of the Chuck Norris Facts listed below. Click on one of the facts to have it printed on a shirt.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them.

JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.