Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes

Browse through the top 50 Chuck Norris Facts. Click on a fact to have it printed on a t-shirt.

Chuck Norris has an arm chair made exclusively out of real arms.

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When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Your rating: None Average: 4.8 (406 votes)
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

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Chuck Norris believes in victim's rights. His victims have the right to dig their own graves before he kills them

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (348 votes)
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

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If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

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Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

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Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

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Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

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Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language

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Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

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Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

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Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

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Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris doesn't need a lawnmower, he stands outside and dares the grass to grow

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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

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Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

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Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

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Chuck Norris' lunch was stolen during a camping trip. No one has seen Big Foot ever since.

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Chuck Norris once had to face reality...reality lost.

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When Chuck Norris eats ice cream too fast, the ice cream gets brain freeze.

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Chuck Norris can fold airplanes into paper.

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Chuck Norris once threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people.......then it exploded

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Chuck Norris went into a maze... the maze got lost

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When Chuck Norris runs backwards , he turns back time.

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When Chuck Norris plays Nazi Zombies it's the Zombies who build barriers.

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Chuck Norriss' calandar goes from march 31st to april 2nd cause nobody fools Chuck Norris

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If Chuck Norris were to ever run out of ammo, his weapon would continue to fire out of fear of disappointing Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris was in all the Star Wars movies, he played the force.

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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (11036 votes)
When Chuck Norris crosses the street , cars look both ways.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (491 votes)
Chuck Norris was denied auditioning for "Mission Impossible", for obvious reasons.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (470 votes)
Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the tv show 'Man vs Wild', but the network did not want kids thinking 'lava is safe to eat'.

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Chuck Norris once stabbed a knife with a human being.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (580 votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person to really have "Birthdays". The rest of us have "Thank you Chuck for allowing me to live another year- days".

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (229 votes)
Chuck Norris once had a boomerang. It was way too scared to come back.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (336 votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (782 votes)
Chuck Norris does not fart, nothing escapes Chuck Norris

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (1302 votes)

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