Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes

Browse through the top 50 Chuck Norris Facts. Click on a fact to have it printed on a t-shirt.

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

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Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language

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Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

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Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

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Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

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There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

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If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

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Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

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Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

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Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

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Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle

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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

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Chuck Norris wasn't born, he just got tired of wearing his mother.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Avatar's were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a smurf.

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Chuck Norris is Darth Vaders father.

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Chuck Norris is so persuasive that he convinced a mirror he wasn't there.

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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

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Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS. Chuck Norris decides where he is.

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Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting

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Chuck Norris was to star in Mission:Impossible but they recasted because they would've had to change the name of the movie to Mission:Accomplished

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Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

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Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

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Chuck Norris can fluenly speak braile.

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Chuck Norris once donated blood to one man, he's now known as Superman

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Rosa Parks wouldn't get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris can put the batteries in backwards and STILL make it work.

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Chuck Norris tells a GPS which way to go.

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Chuck Norris once visited the Bermuda Triangle. No one has heard from the Triangle since.

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Chuck Norris can speak brail

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Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience. Death still won't talk about it.

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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

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Chuck Norris doesn't have Twitter, because he's already following you.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (865 votes)
Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.

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When children go to bed, they take a teddy bear with them. When Chuck Norris goes to bed, he takes a grizzly bear with him.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (621 votes)
The cure for cancer is Chuck Norris' tears. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

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Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer ..... to bad he has never cried

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Chuck Norris can parallel park a freight train

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Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin... that he built with his bare hands.

Your rating: None Average: 4.7 (372 votes)

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