Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts & Jokes

Browse through the top 50 Chuck Norris Facts. Click on a fact to have it printed on a t-shirt.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

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If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

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Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

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When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

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Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

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Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

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Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

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Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

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Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

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When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

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Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

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Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

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Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

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Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

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Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

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Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

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Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

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When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

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Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

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The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.

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The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

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Chuck Norris once heard that nothing could kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it first.

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Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

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Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

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Chuck Norris made a volcano for a science fair, after he won he threw it into the Pacific and made Hawaii.

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Brett Farve can throw a football 50 yds. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Farve even farther.

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We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.

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If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.

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Hitler didn't kill himself becuase they were losing the war. He killed himself because Chuck Norris joined the army

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Chuck Norris never needs a flash light, he just stares into the darkness and it moves out of the way.

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If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

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When Chuck Norris goes to the beach, he puts on sunscreen to protect the sun from him.

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Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

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Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

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Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

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Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

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Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

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There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

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When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

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Allstate gets insurance from Chuck Norris, because even Allstate needs to be in good hands.

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¡pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ʎɯ ǝʞoɹq sıɹɹou ʞɔnɥɔ

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