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- When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
- When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.
- We don't know if Chuck Norris enjoys a good fight. He's never had one.
- Chuck Norris bites the hand that feeds him…and eats their entrails.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A Chuck Norris a day kills.
- Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
- When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
- Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
- Chuck Norris uses red hot lava to moisturize his skin.
- Chuck Norris invented the apple.
- Chuck Norris Buillt Mount Everest with a bucket and spade.
- Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another
year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
- Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly
venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the
venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so
excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into
shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face
with a roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up.
- Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.
- If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your
dream, you DIE!
- Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
- Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare
hands.
- Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck
Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You
say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds
didn't think so either.
- Chuck Norris CAN lick his elbow.
- P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
- Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
- Chuck Norris' paradise is war.
- Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.
- Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can
NEVER be surprised. EVER.
- Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
- Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows. At the same time.
- Chuck Norris can kick start a car.
- Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
- Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of
everyone he has killed.
- Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris
kicks you, your relatives will feel it.
- Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris.
- As seen in Sidekicks, Chuck Norris can climb a rope with one
hand, and one hand only.
- Chuck Norris does not dance. He roundhouse kicks to the beat.
- Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill.
- Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.
- The moon is actually a comet that was once on course to hit
earth... then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it into orbit.
- Chuck Norris can strike a match on a bar of soap.
- Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun
and won.
- The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck
Norris is color blind.
- Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
- Chuck Norris isn't afraid of Urban Legends, he is an Urban
Legend.
- Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip
of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.
- On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid
ounce.
- See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the
face by Chuck Norris.
- Niagra Falls is the result of one of Chuck's legendary cannon
balls.
- Chuck Norris sneezes electricity.
- Chuck Norris performs colonoscopies on himself.
- If you were killed by Chuck Norris, your tombstone would read
RIP, ripped into pieces.
- Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.
- You know he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time
and he only sprained his ankle.
- Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still
managed to walk it off.
- Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random.
They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given
day.
- Chuck norris invented the corndog.
- The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in
Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost
2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.
- Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- Chuck Norris understands the ending of 2001: A Space Odyssey.
- Chuck Norris belives the hype.
- Chuck Norris CAN in fact stop the beat.
- When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both
ways.
- When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.
- Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.
- Chuck Norris delivers more male with one thrust of his pelvis
than the U.S. Postal Service and the Pony Express have combined for
the last 146 years.
- Chuck Norris wasn't born with feet, just boots.
- Chuck Norris won a pissing contest against a Russian race horse.
- When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, the boomerang does not
return because it is scared to come back.
- Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk
missile. At mach 3. In the face.
- Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
- Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight
- Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
- Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing
that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.
- Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
- Chuck Norris had his tonsels removed with a chainsaw.
- Chuck Norris digs graves with a shoe horn.
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