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- The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were
'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
- Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals
until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
- The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris”
This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to
accomplish.
- Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.
- Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then
two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
- Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then
roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
- Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of
light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be
dead before the lightbulb turns on.
- When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken,
but he only eats its soul.
- Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good
looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the
transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the
face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony,
couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They
now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
- Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting...
because he's not acting.
- If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
- Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get
away. They are called astronauts.
- Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a
separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon
in over 50 states.
- A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce
Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When
adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National
Product of Paraguay.
- Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to
Tokyo.
- They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a
problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
- Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an
automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
- "Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris
gets too hot.
- Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is
the size of a quarter.
- After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that
he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information,
and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they
make steroids from?"
- Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people
nightmares.
- When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator
movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
- There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates
trailer parks.
- Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him.
But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck
Norris.
- The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's
co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating
that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This
never proved to be the case.
- Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen
from outer space by the naked eye.
- Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in
fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when
scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van
Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
- Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He
walked.
- The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris
needed a back scratcher.
- Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He
completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a
drywall trowel.
- Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a
calf.
- Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the
TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child"
sandwich.
- For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a
chariot pulled by two electric eels.
- The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear
weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck
Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.
- Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
- Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get
one........one bad-ass that is.
- TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure
indigestion.
- After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was
congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
- Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
- "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck
Norris' theme song.
- Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't
nearly foolish enough to attack him.
- Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
- When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real
toes.
- Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of
his victims.
- In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you
pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make
out the faint texture of his beard.
- They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris
killed the cat. Every single one of them.
- There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never
met Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question
his motives.
- One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.
- Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows
the answer.
- Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The
definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to
the face.
- Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.
- The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris,
when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame
and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
- Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
- The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held
by Chuck Norris.
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